I am having a breakthrough with God. More so, He is having a breakthrough with me. I have been praying and yearning for His voice for months it seems. But all seems silent and distant. Yesterday I hit an absolute head, like a nasty pimple ready to blow. I blew. Thankfully my dad had sensed just in the right moment that he needed to text me. And later, so did my mom. I went on a drive, cause I didn't know what else to do. Anger, frustration, tears. How I want to do God's will, but no voice!
As I sat in a mostly empty parking lot, dad and mom, they counselled me through text, and more so, they prayed. I cried out to God, once again, HUNGRY and ACHING for His voice. I heard him. "Be content where you are." "But God!" I said, "How can I be content when I'm not using my gifts and can't find a place to use them?! When I can't hear your voice, don't sense your presence in my life?! When I'm working a job that I feel is stealing my soul?! When I'm not living out the dreams I believe you placed in me?! Surely you aren't asking me to be content when I'm not living out the person you've made me!" Be content. No other jobs have come up, no peace has been given to move somewhere else, the doors seem unopened, but content. If He has me here, then I must be here. I have tried to pry open other doors, to find other opportunities, but they have not come. So I must surrender to His plan. They were my ideas of "God's will." Using my gifts, I'm sure He desires, but nothing certain has come up yet. I must be content where He has me, despite the not understanding. Even when it doesn't make sense, I want to be content. I want to be content, for it shows trust. I want to trust, for it is surrender. May this verse be my proclamation, "...For I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."
"Satisfy me, Lord of all,
Satisfy me, Lord of all,
I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're what I need
Oh satisfy me Lord"
(Tenth Avenue North, Satisfy)
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